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Posted by on April 15, 2014

Right, so I got a homework assignment yesterday from the migraine, gets after me even on a holiday nice right? Well I didn’t get to it then so today seemed like a fair enough day to get to it and maybe even needed.

So the why. The why is, why do you feel that SL (if you don’t know what that is ignore this post entirely) is a more personal and intimate feeling version of talking then say a text message (issues with phones aside).

Big question. Even deep really but the answer is kind of simple for me anyways. SL to me is as close to intimacy as I can get right now. My Ava while he doesn’t look exactly like me is an extension of me. He can move around freely, he can embrace people, hug them, hold them, dance with them and have none of the niggling lingering anxieties that come along with it. So on some level it gives me a feeling of having that back, of taking a piece of that part of my life and me back. It may be a small piece but it is a piece that counts.
Even with those I trust most in the world a simple hug..can still cause me anxiety. I have come  along way from where I was, but it still isn’t easy. A part of me craves that kind of contact but the larger, the broken side of me fears and runs from it, wants to strike out. At least with those pixels on a screen I get to answer to that side that enjoys it more.

It is not perfect and my triggers do bleed over, but it’s better. It’s easier and one of my greatest joys is a simple time of dancing around with those pixels, holding mine and listening to music while we chat.

Silly perhaps, but there is the answer about WHY to me.

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