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Posted by on July 11, 2017

What do you do when all efforts fail? What do you do when despite some pretty fantastically nasty bullshit whatever you do, try to do or try to forgive it just isn’t enough? I am not asking this to be ironic, I honestly have no idea and I am taking suggestions because the one thing that springs into my head is not a great idea and not helpful at all.

I have been lied too, cheated on, dumped, abused, cheated on, lied too wash rinse repeat. A smarter man would have walked away and yet I didn’t. Despite having a million different pieces of evidence that told me this was a bad relationship and looking very one sided I wasn’t willing to throw it all away.

More fool me.

A pound of weed as the solution for rent issues should have set off more alarms then it did. Obviously it is not something I agree with but I can understand the desperation there. I can understand how even something illegal looks like a better choice if a person just hands you a pound of weed to sell. Still given the recent history, I should have taken the alarm bell for what it was.

Still I tried to offer the benefit of the doubt. She said she wouldn’t be smoking it other then the amount she “tested”. Yeah more fool me AGAIN.

Weird ass behavior and the same shady shit that left me feeling like I did something wrong has settled in over me once again the last few days. I don’t like it, but the behavior and wording and all the rest is exactly what it was while I was being cheated on and lied too and all the rest. Again.

Still. I tried.

Tried to take some hope from a little spiel about wanting to show me that she can make time for me. That got shot down really quickly with the rest of the conversation that followed.

Not even 24 hours without using weed with it in the house but apparently I am the one who needs to keep giving chances. Yeah I don’t think so. I have done my part.

I continued to be as open as I could about it. I have in fact for the last two days stated I can’t keep doing this cycle of crap. My point is, ” understood “.

The end result is a conversation that just seemed like a face plant and a door slamming and locking shut. I called out sabotaging, was told there wasn’t sabotaging. Pointed out where it seemed like there was and was not disagreed with. Moreover, when I pointed out I could not handle being dismantled again and again and bouncing back from it and I was told no one would be expected to.

That’s it I guess.

Seems pretty damn anti climatic after everything, but seems fairly cut and dry to me right? That was all around 2 hours or so ago anyways so.

What do you do when it’s all failed? When you have tried everything you can think of and still end up holding a broken heart?

Yeah I don’t have a clue I’ll make sure to let anyone know if I sort that out. The heart dies a slow and painful death that is for sure.

I think going and becoming a hermit seems like a good choice right now.

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