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Posted by on February 7, 2016

Grief is something I would not wish on my worst enemy. It is one of those things that hurts so much you can’t see a way for it to stop and then it may lessen a little before it hits you full bore again. It is terrible. I think grief is one of the worst things there is in the world. It sucks. I am stuck in my own circle of grief and I hate dealing with it but what can you do? You can’t escape it. No way out but to try your best.

I hate watching my loved ones go through grief. My sister is dealing with the same grief I am and I hate watching it. I hate it because I know what she is feeling, I know how much it hurts and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. Not one damn thing.

My cousin is now grieving too and I feel helpless there. Oh she is trying to put on the brave face, I know her she doesn’t want anyone to know how much she is hurting. But I know her so I know how mush she is hurting. On Thursday she had to say goodbye to one of her beloved pack members. Watson had only been with the family for about a year but he was one of those dogs, a special dog. A perfect gentleman always with the best manners and always right there when he was needed. He took treats gently, gave kittens baths and all around was just one of those dogs that everyone loved. He was impossible not to love. But a few months ago he got Bile Duct Cancer. This is a really bad cancer, it is aggressive does not respond well to chemo and the prognosis is never good. But A tried. She had to her pack is her family just as much as I am or her two legged pack is and family tries. Through it all Watson was a perfect gentleman, always. Never complained, never fussed and was super embarrassed with himself when he had to pee and couldn’t hold it so he pee’d on the Christmas tree. We thought it was pretty funny, I mean he was right a tree was in the house and tree’s are for pee.

Then he stopped eating. A tried to tempt him with all of his favorites. Chicken, cheeseburgers, yogurt, cheese anything and everything. He didn’t want any he only wanted to drink water. He was still comfortable though. Until he wasn’t. The exact moment he started showing discomfort A picked him up and told C to call the vet and tell them they were coming in. I went with for support, A is strong but I knew she wouldn’t be able to carry Watson the whole way not with the emotions flooding hard. Watson road with the top down in the car on the way to the vet, in his Moms lap, he loved the top down and he seemed peaceful with it. I carried him into the office and into the room for A. She was with him the whole time. Talking to him, comforting him and telling him he wouldn’t be in pain anymore and that she would see him again and that she loved him with all of her heart. He passed very peacefully still in her arms the last thing he saw was her looking right into his eyes and saying how much she loved him, with a smile even through all of the tears.

It killed me to watch knowing that pain she felt at his loss. But also knowing she did the right thing for him. She always says it is our duty when we take in animals to our lives and hearts. It is our duty to do the best thing by them that we can and when the end comes our duty is to let them go with dignity even through our own pain. A is one of the most selfless people I know. She gives of herself a lot. I hate watching her go through this pain, it is not the first time I have and it will not be the last I know. But I still hate it. I want to take the pain away from her and I want to take it on myself but that is of course impossible. I miss Watson too. Everyone does. But she was his Mom. The vet offered to take off the minion tshirt he was in for A to bring it home but she told the vet she wanted him to have it with him and his blanket that we brought in. So those items will be cremated with him. She has his ugly santa sweater that she has been keeping on her pillow.

If I could make a wish I would wish for grief to be gone from the world. It is a terrible pain. I hate grief.

Rest in peace Watson. Across the rainbow bridge. You have many friends there and one day we will all see you again. It was a true pleasure to know you buddy.

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